Ever sat there and thought to yourself, ‘if I was a neighbourhood in Bogota, which would I be?’

Worry no more, beloved Colombia Travel Blog reader, because we’ve got all the answers for you. Consult our list below and see which neighbourhood you most identify with. Who knows, you might just find your new home here in Bogota!

La Candelaria

You’re a hippy, straight up. You’ve got dreadlocks, you like piercings and you’ve got two pairs of trousers bought in Ecuador that look like pyjamas. You’ve worn them every day for 2 months. You regularly try and dance salsa with the locals, but your awkwardness is wince-inducing.

Likes: Diablo juggling, fruit juices, telling people stories about your past travels, Dad’s money.

Dislikes: Spending money on quality products, capitalism (see: working for a living), Zona T types.

La Macarena

You like stuff before anyone’s even heard of it. You like your vegetables from the local market so fresh that they haven’t even grown yet. You wear thick-rimmed classes, read William Burroughs and drink Bogota Beer Company beers when you can. You find vallenato an afront to your musical sensibilities.

Likes: Dining in nice restaurants (but ordering cheap food and being meticulous about the bill), roll-up cigarettes, French cinema.

Dislikes: Popular music, popular literature, popular film, popular vegetables.

Parkway/Universidad Nacional

A rebel since birth, during register, when everyone else was saying ‘here, Sir!’ with a raised hand, you’d just grunt a barely audible ‘yeh’. Since then, you’ve come to love Marx, Che Guevarra, the colour black and graffiti. You don’t like playing sports, but don’t eat enough to get fat.

Likes: Blending in to the local culture, leftist politics, protests.

Dislikes: Meeting fellow foreigners, expensive food, meat, La Candelaria types (since people often mistake them for genuine revolutionaries like yourself).

Chapinero

You previously lived in one of the areas mentioned above in the article. You love travelling, but are starting to get tired by all those smelly backpackers. You’re currently putting off geting old (so you move house a lot) while alternating between cheap tiendas and Bogota Beer Company, drinking like a student despite your full-time job.

Likes: Hip-hop you can’t really identify with, Aguardiente, complaining about traffic.

Dislikes: Taking taxis (too expensive), taking buses or transmilenios (too full), Cedritos types (they remind you of the age you’re approaching).

Zona T

You worked in the City and enjoyed the good life. You travelled when you finished university (to Australia and New Zealand) and wanted a taste of it again. Your mate read an article in The Economist about investment in Colombia and you thought, what the hell, you’ll go for it.

Likes: Messaging potential dates in broken Spanish on your new Blackberry, all the new Facebook friends you’ve got, Andres Carne de Res, Twitter, ironic banter.

Dislikes: Public transport (too dirty), being told ‘no’, salsa, Universidad Nacional types.

Parque 93/Usaquen

You’re here on long-term business, with an eye on investing. You’re quite rich and can basically afford anything you want here. You always take taxis and consider Chapinero to be ‘too far south’ to venture. You only wear suits or cashmere sweaters and haven’t cooked for yourself for about 20 years.

Likes: iPads, penthouse suites, paying above-the-odds for food, touching people on the back/shoulder while you talk to seem ‘on their level’.

Dislikes: The Blackberry you have to use for work, economy class flights, Groupon, dancing.

Cedritos

You had your wild 20s, and even went pretty crazy into your 30s. Now, however, it’s time to settle down, save up for a car and think about having kids. You love Bogota but sometimes wonder if you wouldn’t be happier in Medellín, where the weather is better. You’re starting to forget what fun tastes like.

Likes: 2 for 1 dining offers, furniture stores, camionetas, looking back at old Facebook photos.

Dislikes: Noise, pollution, not having open spaces near your house, Chapinero types (they remind you of your younger self).

Paul ‘Just Joking Really’ Fowler

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