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Oct 21

8 Ways to Make Your Kitchen More Colombian

Arepas in La Guaira


You may imagine that a Colombian kitchen is pretty much like most other kinds of kitchens, but you`d be wrong. Terribly, terrifyingly wrong. They may look the same, but just like everything else in life – whether it be trapdoors or Kinder Surprises – it`s what`s inside that counts. It`s the contents that distinguish the true Colombian kitchen, and I`m afraid, if you don`t have the following, your kitchen isn`t really that Colombian at all.


1. Jug and Mixer for Hot Chocolate


A must-have for your Colombian Kitchen.

Minds out of the gutter, guys.


Now, let me stop you before your minds get all filthy regarding that long, cylindrical object with one thick end. No, it`s not what you`re thinking. It`s totally impractical for swatting flies. Believe me, I`ve tried. It actually goes by the scientific name (don`t argue) of Chocolate Mixer Dooflacky, and no self-respecting Colombian Kitchen would be without one. Use it with a Thingummy-Jig, such as the green one in the expertly-taken photo above, and you`ll be making hot chocolate like a Colombian. Don`t be shy; try it with a hunk of flavourless, I mean sorry Marcela completely delicious, cheese…

Oh yeah, I`ve also found the Chocolate Mixer Dooflacky the perfect implement for muddling stuff for cocktails


2. Mexican Elbow


The Mexican Elbow.

The Mexican Elbow.



Speaking of cocktails, back when I was a bartender and thinking I was cool, I thought I was especially cool when I used the implement depicted in the above picture. Inexplicably, we called it a Mexican Elbow, and I thought I cut quite the dashing figure squeezing my  limes for my classic daiquiris in them. That was until I came to Colombia, and realised I wasn`t cool at all, but that Colombia actually was. Over here, these nifty gadgets aren`t restricted to fancypants bartending tosspots, but are in pretty much every kitchen. Doesn`t mean they`re not helpful in the making of classic daiquiris, though now, does it?


3. Blender





OK, OK, before you get all up in arms and berate me with the fact that plenty of kitchens around the world possess blenders, let me just say that this might be true, but I`m going to go out on a limb here and say that few blenders around the world get such a workout as Colombian ones. Due to the outrageous bounty of fruit this country blesses us with all year, the most amazingly delicious fresh juice is a staple, and will be drunk with pretty much every meal. Which, healthwise, is probably a good thing, as we`ll discuss later…


4. Coffee Strainer


The coffee strainer. Also doubles as a wind-sock for miniature aviators.

The coffee strainer. Also doubles as a wind-sock for Micromachine aviators.


Colombia is the land of coffee. And Colombians drink litres of the stuff – black and straight up. No fussing around with fancypants plungers or Nescafe machines here: it`s done the time-tested way, usually in a Thingummy-Jig (see above), and then strained through the above implement. There`s no more genuine way to enjoy a proper Colombian tinto.


5. Egg Frypan


Shot next to a can of beer, to get an idea of scale. And also to show off how much beer I`ve drunk this month already. Crazy.

Shot next to a can of beer, to get an idea of scale. And also to show off how much beer I`ve drunk this month already. Crazy.


The cutest thing in any Colombian kitchen isn`t me. But thanks for saying so. It`s that teeny-tiny frypan for cooking individual fried eggs. Oh yeah, eggs is another thing Colombians go through absolute mountains of. Generally at least one every morning. Watch out on the Transmilenio, guys!!


6. Arepa Frypan


Not so cute, but just as handy.

Not so cute, but just as handy.


Developing a theme of things Colombians can`t live without that also require a frypan, the above object is essential in any arepa production you may try at home. If you`re into that kind of thing, of course. This kind of frypan is like a grill you have when you don`t have a grill, and works a charm. Doesn`t work so well as a racquetball racquet, but hey, sometimes one must improvise.


7. Serviette Holder


Set on the table to prove your guests` level of Colombianess.

Set on the table to prove your guests` level of Colombianess.


I think I`ve talked about this phenomenon before, but Colombians go crazy over serviettes, and, as such, would feel a little weird if they didn`t find at least one serviette holder on any given table.


8. Oven


Obviously not a Colombian oven.

Obviously not a Colombian oven.


This has also been covered by my trusty side-kick and boss, Azzam, but you`re not going to impress me with the Colombianess of your kitchen unless your oven is used for the sole purpose of storing pots and pans, and possibly cooking oil. So, don`t even try.



Ha ha ha ha 8. 8! completely blood-sucked corpses in my dungeon!! Ha ha ha.


Well, those are my eight selections. There are plenty more, so I`d like to see what else you can come up with. What else, apart from an almost complete lack of vegetables, does a kitchen need to have before it can truly be called Colombian? Comment box below, kitchen fans!


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6 Comments on “8 Ways to Make Your Kitchen More Colombian

ubiely says:

Me encanta su Blog y todo eso .. pero no entiendo cual es la recocha que uds tienen con el vampirito ese , Me explican Porfa !!!

Posted on - Reply

    JL says:

    Hola Ubiely! El Conde Contar es una fijación de nuestro querido Gilesy que esperamos algún siquiatra amigo que nos lea nos pueda explicar a profundidad :)

    Posted on - Reply

Paul Giles says:

Ah Fowlo, happy to be in any way the source of one of your lols.
Does that mean you`re coming back?

Posted on - Reply

Dan says:

Don’t forget the bottle of Cristal aguardiente, amigo!

Posted on - Reply

Paul says:

I love you, Paul Giles.

Another great post, you made me ‘lol’.

Posted on - Reply

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