Well, we done warned you plenty. We told you Colombia was going to be the place to be. Now it´s too late for you to be able to say (like we can – but, which still doesn´t make us hipsters, btw):
¨Oh yeah, going to Colombia? Ya – I did that before it was cool, brah.¨
Because now everybody and their dog is coming here. It doesn´t make it any less amazeballs, but it does show how the international tourist penny has finally dropped. You´re totes welcome, Colombia. Just all in a day´s work. But please, don´t believe me. Just look below…
Bloody Biebo, as he likes to be called, pretty much lives here now. I see him at the local Exito buying hair gel all the time. I don´t really know why, as I live in Bogotá, and his house is in Cartagena; but, then again, I just made that up, so it´s not really too surprising. Legend has it that there´s a secret basement under Biebo´s Caribbean hideaway which stocks his extensive collection of Scandinavian Death Metal and his implements of torture. Biebo hangs out there with his neighbour, Mick Jagger, with whom he discusses the geopolitical strategies of the late Roman Empire and ¨stuff.¨
The Worm, as he´s affectionately known, is probably still in Bogotá today. After all, he appeared in an exhibition match with a bunch of his old Chicago Bull buddies here only yesterday. No sightings of his best friend, North Korean Personality of The Year for This Year and All Remaining Years Til The Glorious End of Time, Kim Jong-Un. When asked about his feelings regarding his good friend being so far away in Colombia, Mr Kim was reported to say he felt ¨just a little lonely.¨
Beyonce will follow in the hallowed footsteps of other sexy divas Madonna, Lady Gaga, and Paul McCartney, by making a pilgramage to the Most Innovative (and Sexiest) City in the World, Medellín, where she will hold a concert in September, in front of 44, 000 slightly less attractive (probably) fans. No word as yet if her husband, Jay Zed, also world-famous for his stunningly good looks, will be in attendance, but somebody´s got to make sure that Blue Ivy behaves herself on Instagram. We´re all supremely confident that Mrs. Carter will like Medellín a lot. So much that she´ll put a ring on it.
Here, in a See Colombia Travel Exclusive, we can finally tell you the real name of this critically acclaimed bunch of Indie poms. We have it from a very reliable source that the name of this band is actually The XX. Damn those censors! They´ve gone and replaced the name with X´s again. Not happy, NSA! You hear that? Of course you do. No matter The (Name Censored) will be here in Bogotá in October. Totes expect some hipsters there, babes.
As far as we´re concerned, there´s only one direction for these pommie heart throbs. And it´s not down. It´s Colombia. The hottest pre-pubescent sensation since the aforementioned Bloody Biebo, these lads will come to Bogotá in April next year to perform their back-catalogue of carefully-crafted masterpieces, including their smash hit, ¨Oh Oh Baby Baby Love Baby,¨ and their heartbreakingly beautiful ballad, ¨Baby Baby Oh Oh Love Baby,¨ both from their album, Up All Night, which is not about their controversial experiments with viagra. Probably not.
And if you didn’t already see, be sure to check out our previous collection of celebs on their way to Colombia.